I’m not into tearing stuff down, but how ’bout some balance here. First, I don’t get ANY credit at all. Then, why do we NEVER hear about what’s really interesting; what do Japanese cats eat? Plus, people should know: Tess is NOT a very good cook!
~~guest post by Gracie
So, I hate to break it to you people, but that handsome orange avatar is not Tess. That’s me, Gracie. I never gave permission for her to use my picture, but I guess it’s OK. Tess doesn’t like the way she looks, though me and Mr. Tess do. (I guess he must; it sure couldn’t be for the food that he sticks around)
I’ve been around from the days when Tessie actually knew how to cook. I was just hanging around the neighborhood once upon a time, and this awesome fragrance pulled me like a dog leash into the back yard where this red-haired lady had a huge salmon on a barbecue grill. Even then she was developing bad cooking habits, but I ignored the stink of dill, onions and garlic, ’cause the salmon smell was overpowering and I was really hungry. I don’t ‘member if I got any of that fish, but I never left.
I used my charm on Tess and her family. I have this really cute purr and this sort of submissive approach (’til I get what I want anyway) that got them to start letting me in the house when the snow got deep outside. I guess that’s why they started calling me Gracie, when they would let me out at night and would say “G’night Gracie,” because they thought only a girl cat could be so cute. Plus, when they tried to look under the fur between my back legs I was not a bit submissive.
Big surprise when they took me to see the vet for the first time! But by then it was too late to call me by some boy name, and I don’t care what they call me, ’cause girl cats only have a vague interest for me since the time… well, let’s not go into that.
But this is s’posed to be a food blog right? So listen up, foodies! All those pictures my mom, Tess, posts; how come there’s never any pictures of what she makes us cats eat? I mean Friskies Liver and Chicken Dinner has a heady bouquet with delicate hints of entrails, but how ’bout presentation for Pet’s sake! Does she think we don’t care how our dinner looks?
Tess spends so much time arranging weird, useless stuff like tofu and daikon so she can take pictures of it. Then, when it’s time for our one meal of wet food, it’s “Glop! Plop!” Scoop it out of the can, throw it in some old bowl that Mr. Tess found at the recycle center, and put it on the floor I hope cats in Japan get better aesthetic treatment.
I’m not sure I want to hear about what those nekos eat, though. Tess tried to give me that Tofu stuff once. Is that what Ms. Shimbo gives her cats?
Don’t give Tessie any ideas!
The best thing I can say about her cooking Japanese food is she doesn’t ruin good food with garlic all the time now. She finds other ways to ruin it now. Like the time she got this beautiful, pink piece of tuna and soaked it in stinky wine and vinegary stuff and rolled it around in some black sesame seeds before burning the outside of it. What a waste! Sashimi is about the only good thing so far , but it seems like they make me go outside whenever they have that at dinner.
I know Tess likes raw meat, and she doesn’t like to share, because whenever she sees me catch mousies, (and sometimes I even bring them to her, ’cause I do like to share and she’s always promising me that she’ll fry them in butter for me). If I leave them alone for a second, they disappear before I get a chance to eat them. She tells Mr. Tess that she doesn’t want me to get parasols or something, but I’m pretty sure she eats the little delicacies all by herself.
So, dear readers, just because my mom makes her meals look pretty don’t assume she really knows how to make it taste like real food.
…that’s my tale, and I’m sticking to it…